stuck with a dress

Hey you. 

Yes, let's talk it. I'm stuck with a wedding dress I will not be wearing in the foreseeable future. I would like to believe that one day I would wear it. It took me a few hours to pick it out, and I immediately fell in love with it once I tried it on. 

You see, this are the things I have to deal with. The administrative part. You already know that I admit that being human is ghetto, but the administrative nightmare that occurs when you cancel a wedding is not for the weak. I wouldn't wish this upon any enemy, it's enough drama to throw yourself off of a ledge. 

I'm not just stuck with just a wedding dress. I'm stuck with yards of lace for clothing that hundreds were to wear as I was to engage in the ceremony of changing my last name. The boxes are still at home, so it's hard to visit without being reminded of making such a decision, 3 months before the date.

I don't feel sorry for myself, but I know that I have to take special care in this unique period of healing. As described, my soul is attempting to recover from a major surgery. An "Christian Soul Lift", if you will (did you see what I did there?). Many people who go through major surgery have to take the time to heal before they can possibly begin using their body the way it was before the surgery. My soul is inequitably fractured, and it's going to take some time for me to bounce back. 

I would like to believe I'm managing quite well. There are ups and downs, but I tried to see things from a different perspective and find a way to laugh about it to ease the pain. It is quite better from when things initially happened (I was at a desperate attempt to find any type of mood relief when things initially went down. I even took high doses of Tylenol daily because I was feeling actual pain in my body), and I'm holding on to Jesus and find myself in the gym to take the stress off of my body. 

I used to talk to people about this conundrum of having this dress lying around, and I got mixed responses. 

"It's okay Whitney, you will wear it with the right one." 

"You can find a way to sell it to someone your size."

"Maybe you can donate it to the museum of heartbreak." (Yeah, I know)

I just stopped talking about it. It didn't seem like anybody wanted to understand or listen, it seemed mostly that people wanted to impose their solution on my problem. It's better to talk here. 

Thanks for reading. 

Whitney