above and not below: a poem



I am not above correction.
I am not beneath deception.

I feel, I felt, and I have tried.
My inner child has been crying.
I am hearing her voice and trying 
to console her. 
Ive been coping for so long, 
and it is hard to turn away from 
what worked.
But I have to face the facts, 
the hurt, the pain 
for her.

Loyalty is one I know,
in everything. Valued to 
my core. 
I wonder how much that 
has hurt me. Because I would
not let loyalty go, betrayal 
creeped in. When loyalty wanted 
to leave, I was left with her. 
I embraced betrayal because I 
needed something to embrace. 
Betrayal pacified my inner child.
And she was quiet and happy,
even as she rotted into
anger and rage. 

I am running out of time.
I cant keep playing with
them. I have to 
accept that I will always 
be misunderstood to a degree.
It's an expectation I need to remember.
So I welcome it and manage things 
they way I need to. 

I am sweet and I deserve good things,
I am not perfect and have hurt others 
in my past. But it is our responsibility to 
move on. So I make the decision to say 
goodbye.
goodbye to betrayal. goodbye to being loyal to 
loyalty. For my inner child. For her to grow and
be happy, as we all deserve to be. 

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