Dear March: a letter

March.

You are practically around the corner. The year seems to picking up the pace, and I don't want to fall behind. I would like to say that I did what needed to be done in February. I kept my eyes on the prize, and won more in the process. I laid all the puzzle pieces down on the table, and I found my match. While I've been working, I have found rest. 

Val day was sweet. I was really intentional this year, and poured my love on...well, everyone. And I got so much more in return. I grew closer to my loved ones, and I was reminded how loved I really am. I have connections across the world now, and they are sharpening me and I am really grateful for that and them.

Ok, March. So I think I have found my calling. If it was not for Jesus, I know I would be lost in a ditch somewhere. But it seems like I am being led out of the wilderness, to green pastures. I am living purposefully, although it does get lonely. Living a purposeful life is lonely. It's not boring, but sometimes you want someone close enough to say "ok, this is cool. You've got a point. Or girl, you outta control." So when you don't hear those voices, you wonder if you are on the right track. Then you get a message out of the blue saying, "Your words mean a lot to me. Well written. Well said. Keep it up". Im not looking for them, but they help when it's cold and quiet.

In terms of healing, I want to say I made some progress. Ranted to a friend last week and got slammed with the truth. What happened still hurts deep and the close crew I've got is still grieving by proxy. I am coming to accept that the wound is deep. I have to accept that that is out of my control. I am over it, but it hurts deeply. So I breathe. Often. I run the tracks back every now and then and still think that It wasn't me who went through all of that. I told the story well without the vinegar, but....it still hurts. But I have made progress. Picked up the dress and it's hanging in my closet for the right one. All I have to do now is dismantle the shields I used for all the hurt and be ok with what happened. Just taking off the many bandages and letting it breathe. Let the wind rub against me and help me heal better. Im getting there.

So this month, we move. The weather is getting warm and summer is quickly approaching. Granted I love the spring, and I want to sing. So the I am picking up the pace and making sure I am good for the race. Well, marathon really. I want to be out more than ever, and not be afraid of what or who stands in my way. Things are looking good, and Im excited for you. So work with me.

See you soon. 

WYF

Listen to me read this here.