Day 1

 

Hey you.

Today's prompt will be based on something that inspired me. I was watching an video on discovering your self worth (let me know if you want the details, I can definitely share the link!), and the question I want to address is:

"What aren't you afraid of anymore?"

As I pondered on this question, the answer came to me relatively quickly. I am not afraid of disappointing other people. I am free from the bondage of people pleasing. Let me give you more insight to what made me confidently say this. 

Very recently, I made the hard decision to call off a wedding engagement where I was with my previous partner for 8 years. I had been struggling with the thought for many years and I was lead to a major choice, in which I had to say "Enough is enough. I cannot do this anymore". I was smiling and bearing my pain in silence for years. No one know about my struggle. Not my parents, not my friends. I was enduring discomfort for a long time, and I thought I would be able to manage it or that it would disappear completely. 

After we decided to enter pre-marital counseling, it was then that God had brought so many things to my attention (after I was ignoring it for years).  What I could previously "handle" and overlook became pet peeves and "non-negotiables". My patience grew very thin. Even then, I thought I was going through a test of character. I continued to pray about God making things very clear to me, and sure enough, He showed me what life would look like if I went through and married this person. It was absolute chaos. I was given a series of revelations over the period of 2 months and the last revelation ended in death. Not my death, but the death of the major investments God has placed on me in the 10 years I decided to live for Him. At that point in my life, I could not ignore the warning signs anymore, and I knew something had to give. 

When I made the decision to call the wedding off, it was when the real issues started. The mask of what I saw in my previous partner began to fall off...piece by piece. I was so much used to saying the word "yes", that my "no" triggered exactly what God had showed me in these series of revelations. CHAOS.

So the chaos ensued. I was thrusted into a roller coaster of emotions, administrative disasters, and many tears. It was the price I had to pay for not enforcing strict boundaries for myself and my well being. I felt like I lost it all. I invested so much of my time, effort, and money into someone and the reward is not tangible. Not only did I feel like I disappointed my previous partner, but I disappointed my family and others who looked into my life and saw a sense of hope for themselves. I felt like a failure. 

...but that simply was not the truth. God helped me to make a major decision that felt like I was disappointing others, but He was protecting me. And it took me some time to realize that I should not feel guilt or condemnation for choosing to protect myself when it may be perceived that I am disappointing others...especially if God wants that for me. I am committed to God's perfect Will for my life, so that trumps everything, even if I may feel discomfort for a moment. 

After this major exercise, I started to look into other areas of my life where I may have been giving into people pleasing others. And I am confident in enforcing my boundaries and not being afraid of confrontation (which is a minor conversation) or disappointing others. My mental, spiritual, and physical health is a priority and I have to be in tip-top shape for God to use me mightily. 

So TLDR: I am not afraid of momentarily disappointing others. I will not people-please my way to Heaven, I'm going to do it God's way. 

Thanks for reading :) Let's chat! Have you ever asked yourself "What aren't you afraid of anymore"? If not, ponder on this and feel free to share in the comments below. 

Sending lots of love to you.

Whitney